I had an amazing reading last night by one of the best readers I’ve ever known. If you get to Bloomington, IN make sure you look up Bryan Roberts for a reading or you can get one via the web, I’m told, by contacting him at firstname.lastname@example.org (2013 Note – I have no idea if this is still his email – you may want to follow the Twitter link on his name instead). The reading was insightful both in offering me things to watch out for for the future and in inspiring me to look into my issues. I spent more than half of the time talking about stuff I hadn’t ever voiced to anyone else because it was mostly incoherent to me. Here’s the upshot of what I was told.
1) This time is a time of confliction, of living in opposites. Don’t try to solve the conflict because you can’t, and the journey itself will take care of this if you let it.
2) Don’t treat this entire journey as work. Some of it will be work, very hard work, some of it will just be fun. Have a good time and recharge your batteries. You don’t have to be learning something or doing something every step of the way.
3) What you do on this trip will have ramifications, for yourself and the people you touch, that you won’t truly understand until 20-30 years down the road.
4) Treat this journey as the sacred event that it is. In taking this journey, in its traditional form, no safety net, you are honoring the ancient spirits. You have flipped a lot of switches in the spiritual world by your actions and many are watching and looking out for you. You are on a pilrimage. Like any other pilgrim, you must accept the help of those whom you touch in your journey. This means that you have to say “yes” to all those people who offered aid. In helping you, they get to become part of a journey they cannot take themselves.
5) Don’t forget to have fun. (Yes, he said it twice.)
So, now I’ll give you some more background on how those pieces of advice fit into my life.
1) I have been dealing with a lot of feelings that directly conflict with one another. One of these is in my desire to be of service to the people I encounter and yet needing to see that I am building something for myself. Another is in my desire to get my story out there to the masses, to share what I am doing and maybe help a few people to make courageous choices of their own. That is help in opposition to my fear that the masses will take my story and minimalize it or commercialize it and make it mean less than it could be. My fear is also that I will be villified for the journey.
3) In some ways this is a “duh”, in others it’s intimidating as hell. I know instinctually that what I do on this journey will significantly affect the lives of those I touch. I know it will significantly affect mine (duh). And on one level I’m OK with that. On another level, that’s an awesome responsibility and it scares the shit out of me. Add to this that one of the conflicting feelings I’ve been having is the fear that this statement about the effect I will have is true coupled with the fear that I will look back in 20-30 years and think I was a complete fool and wasted much of my life because I made the journey and walked down this path in my life.
4) My comment about my worth in an earlier journal entry should have tipped me off that something was wrong. I’ve always told people not to put the weight of their self esteem/worth on their relationships and your relationship to money is no different. Sigh, why can’t I see these things in my own life? Anyway, that’s exactly what I did in the last post (I think – I didn’t go back and read it). He pointed out that I needed to accept that this was a spiritual pilgrimage, that I needed to acknowledge the weight of the journey I am making. Other people have evidently noticed since they have all stepped up to the plate with offers of help. Anyway, I got the big kick upside the head from the universe saying “How many countless people have offered you financial aid during your journey? Why haven’t you said yes?” Pilgrims leave with no food or shelter and they walk the journey to the holy land. The people they meet along the way provide them with what they require. As much as this goes against my need to be self-sufficient, I recognize the truth of what he is saying. So I will be setting up a way for me to say yes to your offers of help. I want to get approval from those who will be cashing the checks for me that it is OK to work it out the way that I have planned before I announce it here. Check back in a day or two. I’ve even got it arranged so that everything can be anonymous if you like. I’m going to ask for and accept help. Big step for me.
2&5) He was right. I was looking at this trip as being work for me. 24/7. Daniel and I even had a big argument about it earlier this week. Evidently I didn’t have as much of a point as I thought. Big surprise there. I know how to have fun and I will take every opportunity to do so.
Well that’s it for today’s installment. Hope your lives are keeping you well and happy. The universe is certainly providing for me. I give thanks to all those who have helped me on my way through thoughts and prayers as well as other forms of physical and emotional assistance. Blessings to you all. – Kelle
*2013 Update – I’m not reading this much ahead of time (mostly because I’m busily working on other things as I launch the Spiritual Leader University). But I find it synchronistic that the advice to ask for and accept help is something I said not one month ago to a friend who was going on her own spiritual pilgrimage. I think I also mentioned having to sit in the opposites. But here’s the interesting part – I don’t remember this reading, although clearly it was important to me at the time. What I remember is another friend telling me it would 10 years before I knew the full import (hence the republishing of this journal). But this says 20-30 years, so it seems I’m going to have to publish it every ten years for the next couple of decades. That should be fun…. 🙂
* This is part of an ongoing series of posts detailing what happened on a spiritual pilgrimage that I took in 2002. To start from the beginning, go to July 2, 2013. To see the entire journey as it gets published, click on the category “You Want Me To Do WHAT?!!?” to see all of the posts.