I spent most of the day yesterday sleeping. Got up at noon and then took a 2.5 hour nap at 4:30. I didn’t sleep well the night before because I was exhausted when I laid down and then people got up and talked all around me off and on for the last 2-3 hours in the morning. So I really needed it.
Chris and I took some private time to do some shamanic work last night. We headed out to the beach for some private, quiet time. The ocean at night is by far my favorite place to be. Although I have to say, I prefer the rocky shores of CT to the tiny bits of sands that stick to everything down here. We set up a blanket on the beach and I tried to burn some incense and mugwort for the shamanic journey I was going to do for Chris. The problem was the wind. Once we got the charcoal lit (which took a while), the smoke blew away so quickly that you could barely smell it. So the smoke was all but useless. The shamanic journey went OK. I had thought that Chris had more experience with meditation than he did so I didn’t give him enough time/direction to get into alpha state, so it could have gone much better. We’ll try again another time.
We did have some great conversation afterwards though. We talked about the nature of relationships and the energy connections involved. Through talking to him I got a chance to really formulate what my feelings are these days regarding romantic relationships. What I have come to is this, I feel that a healthy romantic relationship is a really close friendship with sex included. That’s it. Nothing more, nothing less. I have thought about the advice we are given to marry our best friend and I have seen it work and I have seen it fail. I believe the difference between the two is that when it works, the two people involved have stayed best friends. When it doesn’t work, the two have tried to transition that friendship into their idea of a “relationship” and that’s where it falls apart. Because when you are friends with someone, you remain a separate being with your own goals and wants and needs. Your friend is not expected to fulfill every need for you, that’s what other friends are for. You also do not live in fear that your friend will leave you, therefore you are more willing to be open and communicate your truth. You know that if your friend left, you would still have a life without him/her and, while you would miss them, it wouldn’t ruin your life. This is true no matter how enmeshed your life is with a friend. You always leave room for them to be who they are and to follow their own path. Why should a relationship be any different? I believe it shouldn’t. But our conditioning and society has said that you should make higher expectations of a relationship. I look at the list above though and think that anything with higher expectations is asking for disappointment. Because, the fact of the matter is that everyone walks their own path. So that’s my revelation for the day.
We didn’t finish our conversation until about 1:30am. As we headed back to the car, we decided to dip our feet into the water. The water here is so warm! Had we been swimming, we would have been warmer than we were sitting on the beach at roughly 70-75 degrees with a breeze. It was very strange for this northern girl to touch the ocean and have it be less than frigid. Strange.
Anyway, we stopped for food on the way back and had a discussion. We both really feel that Chris should not be coming on this backpacking expedition with me. It’s not his path, nor is it mine to have him along. I only asked out of fear and uncertainty. I should know better than to make decisions from that place. Spirit will provide. If I need a hiking partner, then one will show up. Otherwise, I’ll be fine. Plus, as a mental reassurance, the area of the trail that I’ll be hiking runs along with the road for most of the way, so it’s not like I’m really out in the middle of nowhere for most of the time. There’s always the option to walk into town, and grab a bite or a shower. Plus, I’m betting that if I carry my phone and charger, that I can find some lovely soul along the way willing to plug it in to charge at a restaurant or something. So with that understanding, I’ll probably be heading out of here on Monday. We’ll have to call Gnome to make sure it’s OK with him. So I’ll let you know how that pans out. I’m also going to make an effort to get into town every few days to put an entry on the journal during the hike, so I won’t be completely out of touch and you won’t have to worry about me. Well, that’s it for today.
* This is part of an ongoing series of posts detailing what happened on a spiritual pilgrimage that I took in 2002. To start from the beginning, go to July 2, 2013. To see the entire spiritual journey as it gets published, click on the category “You Want Me To Do WHAT?!!?” to see all of the posts.