Walkabout 2002 – Blech

You Want Me To Do What?Well, yesterday was really depressing. I spent most of the day in front of the TV because it was crappy outside (raining). I was hoping to go out to dinner with Andrew, but his grandmother got sick and landed in the hospital so he was exhausted by the time our dinner date was to roll around. So I had a tuna fish sandwich in front of the TV instead of dinner at my favorite restaurant in the world. Sigh. Disappointing, but understandable.  (Update 2013 – Looking back this is a classic example of how I didn’t take care of myself.  I really wanted that dinner, but if someone else wasn’t going to be there, I didn’t get to go.  Seriously, that’s how my brain worked back then.  It makes me so sad to read this today.)

I spent much of the day feeling stuck and frustrated. I did some journaling work (private, sorry) and started planning for the upcoming stuff. This is generally not a good idea while on walkabout, I’ve found. It only adds to my sense of being out of control. It’s easier to take it one day at a time and move on from there. But I did it nonetheless yesterday. Obviously, it didn’t help. Wah.

OK, so I’m done whining now. What I’ve decided to do today is take a shower, wash my clothes and head up to fnoxib’s house. He invited me up last week to have some good philosophical conversation and I’m really looking forward to it. I’m going to be a day early though, so I’ll have to check in with him to make sure it’s copacetic. Maybe we can get some drumming and singing in too. That would be fun.

That’s what I need, is contact with people. I find that when I’m around people, sometimes all I want is some time to myself, but when I get time to myself, all I want is to have someone to talk to and something to do. Sigh. The wonders of sitting in the soup, not knowing what you really want. I’d really like to get through this process at some point. OK, so maybe I wasn’t done whining yet.

*  This is part of an ongoing series of posts detailing what happened on a spiritual pilgrimage that I took in 2002.  To start from the beginning, go to July 2, 2013.  To see the entire spiritual journey as it gets published, click on the category “You Want Me To Do WHAT?!!?” to see all of the posts.

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