I’ve heard it so many times, it’s criminal.
Time and time again in my shamanic healing and coaching practice my clients and students say:
“I wanted to tell him, but it might have ended the relationship, so I kept it to myself.”
And no matter how many times I’ve heard it, the results are always the same. The client comes back a few months later and says that they just aren’t feeling heard or seen by their partner, or that they are feeling resentful or angry and they aren’t sure why. And I end up having to bring them back to the decision they made months before to not share their feelings with their partner about something that was important to them.
So many people think that they can swallow the truth about their feelings “for the sake of the relationship”. But the sad truth is when you fail to speak your truth into even a healthy relationship, you leave it. A relationship requires relating. And a great relationship requires that you relate greatly. When you stop sharing yourself, you effectively step out of the circle of trust. And no matter how great your relationship is, you have sounded the death knell for it. You have killed it trying to save it.
It seems counter-intuitive but it’s a simple truth. If you stop sharing yourself, you stop trusting the other to love you. If you stop trusting the other to love you, then you will start to question if they love you enough. If you start questioning, you’ll start withholding your love and keeping score to make sure everything is “fair”. And from keeping score to breaking up it is a very slippery slope with very little to cushion your fall. This is NOT the way to have a healthy relationship.
Keys to Having a Healthy Relationship:
- Speak your truth – no matter how much you think it might be challenging for your partner to hear. (Be kind, but be clear.)
- Trust your partner to love you, no matter what – after all, that’s what a great relationship is all about.
- Know what your needs are and have a plan to get them met – even if it’s not your partner meeting them.
- Be prepared to give your partner some space to process their emotions too. You’ve had lots to time to think about it – they are just hearing of it for the first time and it might throw them for a loop. Processing time is required before you demand a response.
Fear of Loss
Sometimes, however, people get into a place where they are in such fear of losing the relationship that they simply can’t bring themselves to speak up. This happens when you are coming at the world from a place of lack and a belief that your partner is the only one who holds the key to your happiness. You cannot possibly take the risk of losing him or her! All your happiness rides on them being in your life. And yet, the same result will happen. You will think you can do without that thing that is so important to you. But what happens is that you end up giving up yourself one piece at a time – twisting yourself into a pretzel in the hopes of becoming what your partner wants you to be. This causes you to not only lose your sense of self and become needy and clinging, it also causes you to become less of the person your partner initially fell in love with. And so, in your fear of losing your partner, you guarantee that loss.
If you’d like to find out how to overcome your fear of loss, learn to speak your truth, and create a healthy relationship of your own, sign up for my Free Energy Scan. In it, I can help you identify the blocks in your energy field that are holding you back from the great relationship you desire. How long will you continue down the same path hoping to get to a new destination? Let me help. Sign up today.
“Hi Kelle – I just wanted to stop by and say Thank You so much for the reading you gave me yesterday. It was very relevant at this moment in time, with much food for thought.. but most importantly I came out of it feeling a new sense of understanding and purpose. It’s been a number of years since I had any kind of reading – to be honest I’d lost faith there – but something drew me to your advertisement – and I’m so glad I acted on that compulsion now. You certainly have a gift!” – Carol Elsip
Dear Kelle, I very much appreciated being “seen” by you so delicately, yet so vividly, so accurately, so insightfully! I think the remainder of my time on earth is going to be a little more active, more self-affirming, more rewarding than I had thought before your assessment and teaching!
“abundance in my life shifted dramatically the VERY DAY after we spoke….radically…even as I feel I’m taking baby steps towards change from what I gained through our phone meeting!” ~ Karin Kitely