When I’m discussing the concept of a healthy relationship with my clients, I often get the question about how to have a healthy breakup. Today seemed to be a good day to have that conversation with you because a good friend of mine is sad today. She and her boyfriend broke up. He has moved to go to school and his new life is feeling fettered by the relationship. It’s a story we’ve heard over and over again. But to her, it’s new and devastating. And I get it.
I’ve walked many clients of mine through divorces and breakups over the years – some have been easier than others. But I have consistently found that how the person in the relationship has held their energy in relationship to their partner has played a big role in how easy or hard the breakup eventually was. For those who have the hardest time dealing with their loss, I tell them the same thing I told my friend today:
All Relationships End
We are taunted with this idea of “happily ever after” but the fact is, that this can never happen. By the mere nature of the fact that we are mortal, even healthy relationships end. Either through breakup or through death, your relationship will cease to exist.
The question isn’t whether the relationship will end – we know the answer to that question, it’s merely a matter of time. The real question is how will you hold yourself with this knowledge?
- Holding Back – some people might choose to hold back to avoid getting too close so that when the relationship eventually ends, you won’t get hurt. But if you do this, you’ll never get to experience love and that is what life is all about!
- Going All In – others might jump in with both feet and build their entire lives around the relationship – committing to the relationship above all else. This is NOT how to have a healthy relationship. The problem with this approach is that when the relationship inevitably ends, your entire world comes crashing down around you.
- Choosing To Be in Relationship – or you can try a third way – one that is usually something that you only learn as you get older. It is to remember that a healthy relationship is there to enhance your life, not the other way around. It has to add to your life, not subtract from it. Certainly there are times when it will require more effort than others, but it should, on balance, be a positive contribution and if it isn’t, you have to be willing to let it go. Another benefit of this approach is that you can see that sometimes things just have a season. And when that season is over, it is easier to gracefully bid them adieu when your world is not dependent on them.
And so, this is my offering to you today. Is your relationship healthy? Is it adding to your life? Are you holding it as though it will eventually end? And, are you committing your heart to the job of loving fully, even in the face of this fact? It requires courage to walk this path, but it is the most rewarding way to go about it.
If you’re not sure of your answers to these questions (or if you need help finding the courage to commit in this way), I’m available for consultation. Sign up for my Free Energy Reading to get started.