I drank from the grail.
It was 3AM and I was in a circle of 30 people all adding their energy to the grail ceremony; each making their wish and drinking. My friend Ken had gone first and then passed the grail to me. Without telling each other in advance, we had each wished for the same thing: to be on our spiritual path. We both knew that a grail ritual was nothing to be trifled with – you have to be careful what you ask for, for you will surely get it. We were both certain in our convictions that this was what we wanted. We were prepared for it to come – or so we thought.
Over the next few weeks our lives would blow up. Ken lost his financial aid 2/3 of the way through his final semester at college, forcing him to drop out and not finish his engineering degree. I would decide to sell my business and move out of state. One-by-one, the “important” things in our lives fell apart and each time one of us would call the other beginning the conversation with a weak “whee!” to let the other know that the roller coaster of change had just flown down another hill. This was supposed to be fun, right?
This intention began a spiritual journey with Ken and several other friends that would have us living, learning, and growing together in a magickal household for over four years. In this time, I would learn ritual, open to my channeling abilities in ways I never had before, and be part of a very special family of spiritual seekers all intent upon our spiritual growth – putting it above everything else. At the end, the house would scatter – everyone moving in different directions, many out of state.
And I would end up on walkabout, to discover my boundaries – where I ended and other people began, and to test my faith in the universe to provide for me. All of these events would come to fruition because I had the strength (and foolishness) to commit to a path of spiritual growth. I committed to finding my happiness. (You can read about that whole journey here.)
I made a bunch of starts, stops, and re-starts, but I got here. I am happy. Blissfully so at times. It took me almost 15 years, but I figured it out. I no longer feel like I’m going to die if someone finds fault with me. I’m no longer waiting for the other shoe to drop. The hyper-vigilance has gone away. I can receive the love that others offer me. I’m not exhausted and angry and empty all the time. I’m happy. I’m content. I’m peaceful. I’m joyful. The spiritual growth process worked.
Was it hard work? Oh you bet it was!!! (And still is on occasion – don’t be fooled – you’re never done with the work on this spiritual path.) But it was the best thing I ever did for myself and for everyone around me.
So here’s my question to you: are you happy? If so, great! If not, what are you willing to do about it?