This is a guest blog post from my dear friend Roxanne Mousseau. You can find the details of her continuing journey on her blog at: http://blog.roxannemousseau.com/
July 29, 2013.
I didn’t know that this would be a date that would catapult me onto an entirely new path. I thought I was being brave and trying something new, I did not think that it would totally obliterate my calm and stagnant existence. But I suppose I have no one to blame for it but myself, I did ask the question: What is my mission? I got my answer. Oh man, did I ever get my answer.
Hi dear reader, I’m Roxanne Mousseau. Currently a high school teacher, lover of horses, mom, dog-mom to my 2 labs, daughter, friend, angel intuitive, catalytic healer, and generally funny gal. (If I had to narrow it down to a few words, anyways.) I’m going on a journey, it’s already started even though I haven’t left my home yet. Want to come along for the ride?
I actually need to back this story up to June for you to get full context…so here we go!
In June I was in a session with a wonderful man and he asked me the question: Roxanne, if you followed your desires, all of them, what would your life look like?
Holy rock my world.
What would my life look like?
I would stop worrying about things. I would dance in the middle of the rain. I would travel the world. I would have the lovers I want. I would face my fears and walk through them no matter how scary they were. I would be in integrity as much as humanly possible. I would drum. I would scream. I would cry. I would love.
Fly a kite.
Snuggle my dogs.
So I have been. As long as my desires have not been harmful to me or others, I follow them. I can tell you that it has been a bit of a ride but so much fun and I can feel my life more than I ever have been able to before. I have learned about setting boundaries and holding them. I have learned that “no” is a full and complete sentence that I do not have to explain unless I so choose to do so. I’ve actually learned that I gain more respect from others when I don’t over-explain things. Funny, that.
I’ve learned that every emotion can be welcomed and in fact, if I welcome the tough stuff, it flows away quicker because I’m not struggling to deal with it. Resolution comes quicker, life is more beautiful. I laugh more. I cry easier. I just feel better.
On July 29, 2013, I had signed up to go to an event called “A Woman’s Cacao Journey into Sensual Pleasure and Accessing Our Body Wisdom.” Tziporah Kingsbury (http://www.breatheinecstasy.com) who is a Breath-work Specialist and a Cacao Shaman(among many of her other talents and skills) was invited to Calgary and ran the circle that night. I was terrified to go but I went anyways. As much as I want to tell you every detail of that evening, I will get to the part that changed my life.
We drank cacao (think hot cocoa with no sugar). It has many healing and journeying properties and was pretty tasty if you’re a dark chocolate lover, which I am. We had been doing some very intense breathwork and in the middle of that I had my very first waking vision.
I was in my root and there was hard lava rock surrounding it. Black, black lava rock. My breath was stoking a fire, hot…hot…hotter. And that breath-fire was turned on that lava rock and that rock melted into lava and flowed away. There was a lot of it. It flowed and flowed and underneath it all was a tiny, bright, spring-green spiral seed. It lay there against the barren landscape and it stood out clearly because it was so bright.
“Pick it up.”
“Pick it up.”
I bent over and picked up this tiny seed. It was so perfect, so bright green. It made me think of spring and joy and hopes and dreams yet to be imagined. It was soft and tiny and delicate. It made my heart spark with joy and protectiveness.
I looked up and She stood in front of me.
My Mother. The Goddess of us all, the Creative force of this world.
Strangely for me she was a beautiful black woman. I think she appears to each of us different. She had a beautiful wrapped scarf on her head and was dark, cocoa brown. And the love in her eyes was overwhelming. I wanted to hug her. I wanted to cry. I wanted to drop before her. I just stood there.
She looked at me and then the seed. She smiled and then she said,
“Your mission.” She nodded to the seed.
I looked back at the seed then back up to Her.
“You will go out into the world and find women’s dances. You will travel my body, my earth, and find those dances that are sacred and special to women. Learn them. Bring them home into your body. Bring them home to the land. And bring them home to the women that need them.”
And then she was gone.
I knew very clearly that this was the mission of my life and that I had been answered. It was not the answer I was expecting from the ceremony. I had asked that question the week before of my angels. Whoa.
My eyes fluttered open and I was…Holy Shit. Literally, this was some holy shit! In the words of Kelle Sparta, “YOU WANT ME TO DO WHAT?”
Don’t worry…Gaia was not done with me yet.
Later in the evening we had a section of the ceremony called Forum. Each woman that was there that evening had 2 minutes in the centre of the circle to answer/speak to a question. I was still very much in the flow and feeling of my vision. I knew I would be prompted to get up at the exact Divine time that my message and my sharing needed to be spoken. There was a long pause at one point in the circle.
“Now, Roxanne,” the Mother spoke.
I got up. I walked into the centre of the circle. I had a minor fleeting worry, 2 minutes can be a long time when you don’t know what the heck to say.
And then I was moved to move. I struck my hands against my thighs creating a rhythm with my body as I danced and spoke my first sacred offering. I stomped out the rhythm of this drum that was beating inside of me.
It was one of the most powerful experiences of my life.
To be heard and witnessed fully by others.
I can’t put words to the lightness I felt after I sat down. I felt as light as that little spiral, spring-green seed that was now planted in my body and firmly in my mind’s eye.
Oh, it was exactly 2 minutes long. No worries there after all I guess!
I was reeling after I left the circle that night and the next day I was so excited. I kept thinking, I’m going to quit my job and travel the world and dance and dance and dance!
And then “reality” set it, how would I have the money for that? What would I do with my dogs? Where am I supposed to go? How am I going to just up and quit my job? People are going to think I’ve lost my mind. People will say this is my mid-life crisis. I realized that this wasn’t reality. It was fear. I was scared. I spent the next 6 weeks working really hard not to think about any of it. The only person I really mentioned it to was my best friend and my daughter.
The call had come. The call still resonates and tolls in me. I still wonder if I have the strength to answer it.
– Roxanne Mousseau Follow her continuing journey here.
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