It’s really depressing to be going for this job interview with the real estate company. I know that this guy is going to offer me the job. I know I could do it. I know I would enjoy the work, but I am getting bogged down in the idea that I would be going backwards.
I left this life behind when I moved up here. I would be going back to dealing with all those fake people and that high-stress life. I would be going back to having people call me in the middle of the night with questions. I’d be going back to sales rallies and the smell of cheap commercial carpet.
What happened to the exploration of my spiritual side? What happened to my love of the outdoors? What happened to my understanding that the best class I ever held was given on the side of a mountain in the open air using nature as my object lesson?
For some reason, none of these other jobs hit me like this. It was OK to be in constantly changing corporate environments. But going back into real estate feels like jumping back into the kiddie pool. Why did I do all of this work if I’m just going back to what I used to be?
I know that’s not true. I know I’ve made personal progress. But it still feels like backsliding. Sigh. Well, at least it’s a big company I’m looking at. They own eight offices, so they have a real possibility of being a bigger fish environment. Who knows, maybe it will be a good thing.
Right now I just can’t seem to get excited about it.
* This is part of an ongoing series of posts detailing what happened on a spiritual pilgrimage that I took in 2002. To start from the beginning, go to July 2, 2013. To see the entire spiritual journey as it gets published, click on the category “You Want Me To Do WHAT?!!?” to see all of the posts.