I’ve made it clear to Daniel that I want to live with him eventually. He wasn’t of the same mind, but didn’t freak out when I told him that. Then yesterday, he and I spent the day working on the house and hanging out. I realized after that that he didn’t have any context for me being less than demanding of his time. We spent the evening watching a movie and I caught him staring at me at one point. I told him “I love you too” and he said it was part of it, but not exactly what he was thinking. After balking for a minute he finally said, “I was thinking that I could get used to this.” And then he said something about it not really adding up in his little head and denying that he ever said it. But we both knew it was out there. He’s still processing it today too. He mentioned it again when we talked on the phone. I think I’m getting through.
I’m amazed at his expectations around this stuff. He seems to have spent a lot of time with very needy women. I knew this but I didn’t realize what it did for his expectations. Seems he didn’t have any idea how to live with someone without feeling trapped or drained. I think he’s beginning to see a way. That’s good for me in the long run. The question is, if he offered to have me move in now, would I want to? It would be good for me financially, but I think I’d like to have a place of my own. I don’t know. It would be a no-brainer if Lorelei wasn’t there. She’s a big kink in the puzzle for me. I don’t want to live with her. But she stayed on her own side of the house for most of the weekend (after her little snit about the game) and I had a perfectly nice time. So alone, we work. With her, it’s a little more tense. But I think that’s a function of her in general. Anyway, no point in speculating about this stuff now. I’m in Fall River through the end of the month. And by then I should have some jobs lined up with this other company. Then I’ll be able to have some cash and make my way.
* This is part of an ongoing series of posts detailing what happened on a spiritual pilgrimage that I took in 2002. To start from the beginning, go to July 2, 2013. To see the entire spiritual journey as it gets published, click on the category “You Want Me To Do WHAT?!!?” to see all of the posts.