Daniel said “Happy Birthday to me” this morning and I said that he was a very lucky man who, as his first present of the day, had a mostly naked woman in his bed. He said it was even better because, 1) the woman loves him, and 2) she is willing and oh so able. I said, so you think I love you? And he said he did. I had to agree. I stifled it yesterday a couple of times, knowing that he’s in the stage of trying to figure out if he loves me too. It’s all going so quickly for him with his divorce not even final yet and him getting no break between entanglements. It’s going quickly for me too, the person who had mostly given up on finding anyone who would be able to keep up. Now he’s here and I’m committed (or should be) and I’m just enjoying the ride.
Funny how a crisis (or a perceived one) can make the difference in my mind. I found out at Drum and Dance that I could trust him to do what he says and to choose me over any other plaything. I like this. I like it a lot.
It’s just so comfortable and easy, even when it’s not. He keeps my eye on the ball about choosing who I want to be. I keep his eye on the ball about being conscious of how all his choices affect his life. We both respect the other and neither of us is trying to change the other. It’s like having Mark only with more in common, a better physique, a more active sex life, a more magnetic personality, and common goals (mostly). It’s very cool.
Still the worries about the long-term stuff like living together, etc. But I think he’ll be flexible on that in the long run once he realizes that I’m not planning on moving in now. Kind of like when he said not to come back on the 18th and then changed his mind at the last second when he saw that I respected his decision. You never know how this will go, but I have faith it will work out. Everything else has.
* This is part of an ongoing series of posts detailing what happened on a spiritual pilgrimage that I took in 2002. To start from the beginning, go to July 2, 2013. To see the entire spiritual journey as it gets published, click on the category “You Want Me To Do WHAT?!!?” to see all of the posts.
