Integrating part of my inner child on my journey was a great experience and so amazing.
I visualized opening a rusty metal door that creaked on its hinges from so long a time between openings. The child was inside crying in a corner. She was angry at me for leaving her, despondent at being alone for so long. I went to her and comforted her, held her in my arms and rocked her the way my mother never did. I wrapped my energy field around her to keep her safe and sent loving, nurturing energy into her.
She demanded to know why I had locked her up, why I didn’t love her. In the way of children she didn’t understand my rational comments or reasons. She only felt the denial of love of self of worth. She only knew the pain of abandonment. All this time I’ve been concerned about others abandoning me, when in fact I was the one who abandoned me, down in the dungeon where the floors are cold and it is always night. No wonder I was afraid of this. On some level I was already experiencing the horror of it.
Eventually I had nothing more to say to her by way of excuse other than “I don’t know why – I thought it would keep you safe, I was wrong, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” She stared at me really hard for a time and then forgave me. Just like that. We got up and I held her facing out to me. She leaned back and melted right into me, smiling.
* This is part of an ongoing series of posts detailing what happened on a spiritual pilgrimage that I took in 2002. To start from the beginning, go to July 2, 2013. To see the entire spiritual journey as it gets published, click on the category “You Want Me To Do WHAT?!!?” to see all of the posts.