The schedule of events for Keter’s is as follows.
1) Deal with my stuff. I have a lot to process that I need to do with someone else as a sounding board, plus some energy work. The issues to be addressed are: finding work – what do I want to do and how do I feel about it, processing stuff around Daniel and that whole scene and how I feel about poly and relationships, etc. (OK, this is more than one session probably, but it’ll be a start), anything else that comes up as a result of these two things.
2) Talk about the business plan that Keter and I have been discussing, decide whether or not I want to be involved/can wait for her to be done with her thesis.
3) Act as sounding board for the topics on her thesis in Transformational Psychology. Provide a little outside perspective.
4) If we have time, discuss the nature of unconditional love (which is, in her belief, the underlying nature of the universe).
I got to talk with Rebecca last night about poly and her perceptions on it (being that she has practiced for many years now). It helped some, but I’m still not sure where I am on it. Must think more about it. With my ex, I had completely shut down all possibility for interest in other people because it wasn’t an option. Rebecca said that she thought this might be because I am naturally monogamous. I’m not so sure. With the way I have behaved in the past around others’ expectations, it might simply have been a reaction to that. I felt that I had closed off an entire part of myself to do this and I have no desire to do it again. But I don’t multi-task well either in relationships. I tend to be very focused. Sigh. I guess there’s no way to really discern this without practicing it. I don’t want to be limiting to myself or to my partner, but I want the intimacy that comes with a level of commitment. The question is (as in the rest of my life) how do I find balance between these two things? More to work on.
Also finding that I may have jumped to conclusions about the conspiracy thing with the other partners. Seems they are still reading my posts, just not making their friends-only ones available to me. I’m still a little put off that they feel that way and haven’t addressed the issue with me, but not enough to take them off my friends list being that I still consider them friends. I can understand how they might need the privacy to not share their thoughts with me. Intellectually I can understand. Somewhere inside, my “you don’t belong and we don’t want you here” button is still being pushed. Something else I’ll have to work on today. Anyway, I’m going to try to arrange to meet one of the people during my trip out there in a week or so. We’ll see how it goes. I think that meeting would be really useful for us to get more comfortable with one another.
* This is part of an ongoing series of posts detailing what happened on a spiritual pilgrimage that I took in 2002. To start from the beginning, go to July 2, 2013. To see the entire spiritual journey as it gets published, click on the category “You Want Me To Do WHAT?!!?” to see all of the posts.