From My Private Journal

(not published on the original walkabout)

(Update 2013 – A little backstory here.  Daniel was trying being polyamorous at the time we started dating.  Julia and Lorelie were the other two women he was seeing.  I told him at the time that I wasn’t interested in a poly relationship but that I was on the road and in no position to demand or expect exclusivity.)

I’m worried. Two days out and I’m worried. Julia was present in Daniel’s life and he dropped her with no warning. I’m gone on the road – how long will it take before he’s distracted again? Or is it simply a matter of her having jumped the gun? He’s been really busy. Would he have returned to her this week? And how much do Lorelei’s machinations have to do with it? I can see her being a panic monger if she felt the situation warranted it. I know he needs some wild monkey time. And this time while I’m gone should give him that. But how much do I invest here? Loving is never a mistake and the letter I’m writing to Julia will reflect that. I don’t want to get in the way there. Can I be this fearless? And where is the line between fearless and reckless? I’ve only just opened my heart again, and I have to respect the fact that I am vulnerable here. I guess it’s just going to be a “wait and see” thing.

* This is part of an ongoing series of posts detailing what happened on a spiritual pilgrimage that I took in 2002. To start from the beginning, go to July 2, 2013. To see the entire spiritual journey as it gets published, click on the category “You Want Me To Do WHAT?!!?” to see all of the posts.