I’ve really been putting off writing this journal entry because I keep changing my mind about how I’m feeling at the moment. I went to the music festival at Suwanee, FL, got in for free by volunteering to do work shifts (felt like any other pagan gather in that way), listened to some good music, hung out with the great people from St. Augustine and others on site, watched huge quantities of drugs and alcohol circulate and be consumed, and drummed a lot. I also bought a really cool drum (1/2 size djembe) for $60 from a guy who imports them from Africa. It’s awesome and for the price, I couldn’t resist. It’s my birthday present to myself.
(Update 2013 – That drum was made out of a single piece of wood hollowed out and it was so heavy that I sold it and upgraded to a larger djembe that was half the weight of the old one. You don’t think that the weight of your drum matters, but drag it around a few festivals and you’ll find that it really does.)
So anyway, I thought I would be leaving from the festival to head north to see my cousin Anna. But first my place to stay with people I have met at the festival who lived in Atlanta fell through, and then Anna called back to say the work was a nightmare and could I come this weekend instead. So I went back to St. Augustine. I was feeling very lost and alone for the last few days (not brought about by the plans falling through above, it started much earlier than that).
Yesterday, I started talking to Chris and Lisa about it down here. I had been so in need of some physical comfort that I had grabbed a random guy at the festival and had him come and snuggle with me for a while. It didn’t do the trick. But last night Chris and Lisa and I spent some time snuggling and appreciating each other for a while and it almost felt like home again. I didn’t realize how much I missed the physical contact that I got from my friends.
So here’s my dilemma. I’ve been thinking for a few days now that I’d like to take a break from the constant travel. Plus, I need to sock away some cash since funds are getting tighter. So I’ve been thinking of taking a 6 week break from the road. Now the question is – where. The folks down here want me to stay for a while longer, but six weeks in the living room is a bit much to ask of the guys and of me. And no one else really has space available. I’m looking for a house sitting gig or something as a possibility. The other option is to head home for this time where I have a bunch of options for places to stay and a chance to make more $ (wages in FL are low). But I feel like I might get stuck and not leave again if I headed home. Plus I really feel like there’s more work for me to do here. So that’s the problem.
I’m also thinking that I really need to put some concentrated effort into the book. I’ve got a bunch of ideas and I’ve had no time/impetus recently to put them on paper. I’m a little overwhelmed. Hence my reticence to write this stuff down.
I do have a couple fun memories to share though.
As we were driving home from the festival, the moon was rising in all its fullness. Right on the horizon, bright orange and beautiful framed between the horizon line and the storm clouds overhead. Wow.
Drumming at our campsite became a regular practice. We did one set where I was singing as everyone else drummed and rattled. Very slow and erie. Then it started to rise up and another singer came in with an animal call. Suddenly the whole circle was forming animal calls and it became this reflection of nature’s night. It was truly amazing. We let it burn up in the flame of the fire and end with a hissssssssss.
* This is part of an ongoing series of posts detailing what happened on a spiritual pilgrimage that I took in 2002. To start from the beginning, go to July 2, 2013. To see the entire spiritual journey as it gets published, click on the category “You Want Me To Do WHAT?!!?” to see all of the posts.