I am seeking a deeper knowledge of the Great Goddess. I know that She is Mother and Earth and All Form. But She is also more.
Feeling Out Of Touch With My Body
I have been initiated into her mysteries and know my body to be another of Her manifestations, and the womb of the Earth to be Her home, but deeper understanding eludes me. Am I too preoccupied with worldly influences? Work has been extremely hectic for the past few months. My daily devotionals have been almost non-existent – my relationship with my body has grown distant.
In the midst of all this separation, I find the need to move more steadily toward union. The Great Goddess represents the first step of my continued journey up the spiral path of my own personal process of transformation. I must experience some of Her deeper meanings!
Daily Devotionals Begin The Work
I begin this process by dedicating a portion of my morning, every morning, to a daily Temple working. At first, my only experience is a sense of greater quiet and stillness, greater peace of mind and of body. I am becoming more centered. While this seems to help calm things at work, I wonder when or even if a deeper understanding of Her will arise.
As I continue with the daily workings, I encounter resistance to this process. At my most conscious and seemingly petulant level, I don’t want to be bothered with this every day. Who am I kidding anyway with all this Magick stuff?
Resistance Resolves Through Permission
I concentrate on these feelings and realize that what I am actually denying is my right to have time for my Self, my Work. I endeavor to give myself permission for this process, this particular journey. It becomes easier.
Evocation And Sex Lead The Way To Connection
I add an evocation of Her to my daily ritual and She enters my Temple – smiling, voluptuous Goddess. I am drawn to Her, at first in a very sexual way; and, after several ineffectual attempts to address this feeling intellectually, I give in to my body and make love to Her/Myself. It is a very intense experience. As a result, I begin to feel more connected to my body.
I am realizing that while my body is not perfect, it is beautiful. My conscious, worldly mind tends to reject this – after all, men don’t chase me around at social events. But this realization is happening at a deeper level. I sense it, begin to feel it at my very center. But the words haven’t formed yet and my talkative brain cannot grasp it.
My Deepening Awareness Goes Way Beyond Sex
I seek a burst of realization which will sweep me into full and complete acceptance of my body, an orgasm of gnosis. It doesn’t happen. The process continues though. Maybe I am too impatient.
My Goddess evocations are becoming more intense. She seems to be expanding within my sacred space, filling it, surrounding me – opening herself to me. This is way beyond sex. I feel like I can see to the very core of the universe.
Understanding Comes In Layers
I realize that She is a personification of all that She represents – but what is the nature and extent of that “All”? I look deeper within Her, peeling away the layers. Earth, body, form – that’s the first layer. Building blocks within these – rocks, tissues, structures – another layer. She is the beginning, the first point of existence. More layers – now I’m at the molecular level – but there is still Division, and therefore deeper levels, amongst the Forms within this layer.
I see atoms – but these are not the primal essence of Her because they in turn are composed of electrons, neutrons, and protons with positive and negative charges binding them together. At what level does a particle become just a particle? Where does the pure essence of the Great Goddess manifest? Even in quantum mechanics a particle can be in all states at any time and is fixed in one state only by the act of observing it. How can I observe that which is purely and solely Her?
The Goddess Exists As Part Of The Matrix Of Life
I reach the core of the Great Goddess and realize that in a pure state, She only exists theoretically – at that instant of time which is NO TIME – at the point of creation where form coalesces from the void and enters into manifestation. I realize now that She cannot exist alone. In Her many manifestations within this world, She is intrinsically interwoven with life force, energy and consciousness to create the Unity of all things.
My Understanding Of Her Deepens My Understanding Of Myself
To evoke Her is to specifically focus my attention on that aspect of Unity represented by Her as Mother, Body, Earth. In this way, I can become more aware of my issues and any blocks to my progress that center around that which She represents. My goal for now appears to have been reached. I have gained a deeper understanding of Her and therefore of everything She represents – including myself. And with greater understanding comes a deeper love and appreciation for my Process. May it always be so.
This article was originally printed in Mezlim magazine and is included here with permission of the author.