Well we’re finally back at civilization and I’m able to post again. We skipped Vermont because there really would have been no time to visit with Rebecca and Kirk, so we’re in Wilton, NH now at the Fountain House Bed and Breakfast visiting Ludwig and Tony. We slept in an amazing King-sized bed with Ralph Lauren Sheets, down pillows and best of all – air conditioning. I’m hoping to go for a swim in the jacuzzi tub shortly. After the weekend camping, it was a welcome change.
We spent the weekend just north of Syracuse (not Skennectady as previously stated) at the Muin Mound Grove ADF gathering. It seems we were expected even though our preregistration didn’t go through because Skip saw my post online at the Starwood site. So, as usual, it’s just not possible for me to be low key anywhere I go. It was really hot and we spent much of our time hanging out in the pool (ahhh blessed pool – are my lips blue yet? No? Then I’m not getting out.). When we weren’t in the pool, we covered ourselves in OFF just to keep the mosquitoes and deer flies at bay. My feet are still itching like crazy. I did some tie dying and we met some cool people along the way, but we were really happy to be back in air conditioning again when it was over. Sadly, it was unseasonably warm, the next week was due to be in the 70’s and the week before had been in the 60’s and 70’s. So maybe next year will be a little more bearable weather-wise. Hey, I bet I lost weight though. For those camping there in the future, I recommend the woods if you have a screen house. It’s cooler, but buggier.
I’m doing a lot of work on myself during this journey (duh). I’ve been going inside and seeing that there is a lot I haven’t looked at. Being weak and/or vulnerable has been a big one for me. I haven’t really been very kind to myself about these things in the past. I’ve driven myself very hard to try to live up to the image of the survivor, the one who can take care of herself. Part of this comes from having had to be strong for Mom growing up with all the moving and changes, part of it is the defense mechanism I used to keep people from seeing that my feelings were hurt when they didn’t include me or welcome me into their lives. It was that “fuck you, I don’t need anybody. I’m strong enough to do this on my own.” And while it is true that I am extremely strong, I find that I don’t have to be nearly as often as I thought I did. In fact, surprise surprise, I’m actually more likeable and approachable when I’m not invincible and all-knowing.
If there’s one thing I think I’m learning on this trip, it’s how to relax more. I don’t have to impress people or give them something to make them like me. I can just be me and hang out and people will naturally be drawn to me if they are supposed to be. I actually had a woman at the ADF event say that I was withdrawn and reserved. I told her my friends would have never believed her. But it was true. And people did seek me out. And I did make friends anyway. It’s amazing how these things work.
Well, I’m off and running again. We have to finish our laundry and then rearrange the truck for more accessiblility for regular use rather than camping now. I’ll try to check in again in a few days. Until then, be well. – Kelle
* 2013 Update – Over the next 6 years or so, I would do even more work on being vulnerable, sharing my feelings, and relaxing. I wouldn’t learn the art of loving myself until 2010
* This is part of an ongoing series of posts detailing what happened on a spiritual pilgrimage that I took in 2002. To start from the beginning, go to July 2, 2013. To see the entire journey as it gets published, click on the category “You Want Me To Do WHAT?!!?” to see all of the posts.