I’m sitting here in a screen tent as thunder and lightening crack overhead. Occasionally, the sky opens up and the rain comes down. In the distance, I can hear the voices of the people singing sea shantys at the Bardic sing-a-long in the field. I’m wondering if the tent will leak, if the tarps are placed properly, if the stuff in the screen house will get wet and generally wondering what I am doing here.
I’m making some connections and picking up odd bits of information here and there, but nothing is clicking on a larger level. I’m wondering if picking up Chuck and taking him along for this part of the journey was the right thing to do or if I’m supposed to travel the entire way alone. There is no manual here. I don’t know the rules. For the moment, I am pleased with my decision. He makes my life easier, more comfortable, and provides me with a sense of purpose and appreciation. I’m able to be a guide on his journey which gives me a chance to not have to think about mine for a while. I’m overwhelmed with the magnitude of my journey and the significance it may/will hold for those who are following me now and for those who will read the tale later. I feel a great responsibility to them. I also think that this sense of responsibility to others is a way for me to avoid looking at the significance of this journey to me in my life. Going out without a plan is easier for me now than it once was, but it’s still not easy. I’m constantly making new plans only to cancel them a moment later. Thankfully, I’m at least conscious enough to not be attaching a lot of importance to them, so I’m not so distressed when they’re abandoned.
I haven’t slept much in the last few days and I’m wiped. My eyes are drooping as I write this but I still feel hyper and I’m wondering if I’ll sleep tonight either. I’ll have to remember to pull out the ear plugs so the singing doesn’t keep me up.
The one thing I’m seeing as a potential problem with this trip is the lack of privacy. It would be nice to get some time to relax and be alone in a nice setting. I’ll have to see what I can do to accomplish that goal.
* Update 2013 – Privacy did turn out to be a big deal on the trip. I didn’t realize how much I had a need to be alone but it surfaced quite strongly. It’s also interesting to note that this sense of responsibility for/to others is something that has been a theme throughout the last 10 years as I’ve learned to let go of it more and more – allowing others to take on the responsibility for themselves and for me to be responsible for just me. It’s a part of the letting go of control process that was started on this journey.
* This is part of an ongoing series of posts detailing what happened on a spiritual pilgrimage that I took in 2002. To start from the beginning, go to July 2, 2013. To see the entire journey as it gets published, click on the category “You Want Me To Do WHAT?!!?” to see all of the posts.