Are You Empowering Your Happiness or Your Misery?
What you focus on expands – what are you adding energy to? Are you focused on creating a life of happiness – one you can love? Or are you focusing on the things that make you unhappy? This primary question is one that I work with many of my clients on. Many have received cultural conditioning that encourages them to focus on what is wrong rather than what is right. And for all of them (especially those with Strong Woman Syndrome), this can be a really challenging habit to break.
One of the challenging things about leading an empowered life is the level of awareness that you have to engage. You see, each of us have so many stories that if you don’t diligently stay conscious and aware, those stories will run your life for you rather than you running it. And most people are so attached to their stories that they will go to great lengths to hold those stories in place, even rewriting events in their memories or disregarding direct evidence to the contrary thereby thwarting their chances of having a happy life.
Some examples of common stories:
- I don’t matter, I’m not important, people don’t care about me
- I’m unlovable
- I’m worthless or not good enough
- People don’t like me, don’t approve of me, don’t want me around
- I’m “Too Big”, “Too Much”, overwhelming, and/or intimidating
The time that you spend giving energy to your stories is time that you don’t spend creating a life you can love. The energy that you invest in those stories fuels the manifestation fire and draws more of those experiences to you, making living a happy life almost impossible.
Is there a belief or story in your life that you don’t like and/or doesn’t serve you? Then don’t spend a lot of time denying it or trying to cancel it or change it. This only adds energy to the situation. The key to changing story that you don’t like is to starve it for attention. Take it out of your consciousness and put something healthier in its place.
For example – I had a story for most of my life that said that I was unimportant and that no one cared about me. A few years ago, I sat in a room full of people with whom I had just shared a beautiful weekend and they were all engaging in conversations with one another. For about 5 minutes out of that weekend, no one was talking to me and it was at that moment, that my story kicked in hard. I was feeling lonely and lost and abandoned in a room full of people who, if I had just reached out, they would have happily included me. But I didn’t. I stayed on my couch feeling lonely and alone. Then one of the women came and sat down next to me and asked how I was feeling and I told her that I was sad that no one wanted to talk to me. She said “but I’m here talking to you” and the next thought that came into my mind was “yeah, but you don’t count!” And before those words could leave my lips I barked out laughing and told her what my story had just thrown at me in an attempt to hold its place in my mind. I thanked her for her perspective shift and went and engaged with my friends.
Stories have a mind of their own – an ego of their own. Think of them as entities that occupy your head space. Your job is to starve them by failing to give them any attention and then evict them by proving the opposite. If your story is that you’re not lovable, don’t think about all the ways in which you’ve deemed yourself unlovable – just go be loving and allow yourself to receive the love of others. If you think that you’re worthless, then go and ask the people in your life to share with you the ways in which they find you valuable and make lists to yourself of the ways in which you have added value to the world. Don’t have anything for the list (sometimes our stories are really good at hiding those memories)? Go do something of value – volunteer, help, participate, share, give, etc. It’s literally about closing the door on the beliefs that don’t serve you.
One more stumbling block you may encounter: for some people, misery has become a dear friend – the one that’s always there for them. Their “woe is me” is a default place for them to live. If this is you, then keep in mind every moment you spend with this “friend” adds weights to your feet as you try to swim out of the malaise you’ve been living in. DO NOT give in to this thinking. The minute misery taps your shoulder, brush it off and go find something productive to do – preferably something that directly contradicts the story it was trying to tell you.
You cannot lead an empowered life while feeling like a victim. It’s just not possible. Finding a happy life isn’t just about being happy with what is (although that is a big part of it), it is also about removing those things that actively damage your bliss. Stories are a huge part of that process.
For most people, the instructions above are sufficient to move them out of their story and into a more positive approach to their lives. If you’ve diligently tried this before and it didn’t work for you, you may have something deeper in play where a shamanic healing session would help. Shamanic healing sessions can create movement on issues that have been stuck in place for years. SIGN UP FOR A SESSION with me today.
“Kelle is indeed a knowledgeable, sharp coach as is evident the moment you speak with her. What I appreciate more though, is her ability to tune into me directly and help me express myself in a way that helps me develop both personally and professionally.
I have worked with Kelle over the past several months. Kelle has her hands full with me as I came to her as raw material. Each session, it was evident that she was giving me her undivided attention and guiding me to places that she knew I needed to get to. I am grateful for her intuitiveness as I didn’t know where I needed to go much less how to get there.
Kelle has always shown me patience and explained to me why she gives me the assignments she does and how they are going to help me. Again, right away, she knew I was a person who needed this kind of explanation. I have developed a great deal since we started working together, and she is kind to recognize me for that. I look forward to future growth and development with her guidance.” – Jaylin Allen
“Kelle’s has the ability to reach inside of a person and make them focus on their future, avoid today’s distractions and achieve things during each step of the process.” – Stephen Labuda
“I can’t thank you enough, Kelle! Your ability to listen deeply, humbly, and respectfully to my life experiences was such a blessing. I appreciated your ability to see deeply into my chaos and pull out connections and meaning that I hadn’t seen, but seemed so right when you pointed them out. You helped me understand what happened and how to move forward. I highly recommend anyone who wants clarity to see you for life coaching.” – Shayna Hesselgrave
I have been working with Kelle for a while now and she really has helped me break through a lot of personal barriers and work on being more satisfied and happy with my life. At first I rolled my eyes at the notion that I could live life the way I wanted to, but I am (slowly) learning that she is right.” – Caroline Cranton