Are you horrified at how quickly your
solid foundation can get rocked when
you enter into a romantic relationship?
It’s Not Your Fault!
As a coach, I’ve worked with so many self-assured women over the years who are generally successes in life, but who just fall apart when it comes to relationships. It’s frustrating how this one aspect of their life has eluded them. What they don’t realize is that it’s not their fault – it’s their programming.
Cultural Programming Is Working Against You
As children, we are bombarded with the messages that “Prince Charming” will come and save us from our fate. *Do you need saving? I don’t. And yet we look for it.* And then there’s the “you complete me” message which is even worse, implying that we aren’t complete on our own. This message sets up a dynamic that creates neediness and a constant fear that the only person in the world who completes us might leave – and then where would we be?
Going “All In”
Once in the relationship, we are encouraged to go “all in” and lose ourselves in our relationships. This is what happens when your best friend suddenly forgets your phone number because she’s spending every waking moment with her new boyfriend; and what happens when every invitation you make to her suddenly includes him (or her – lesbians are not immune to this programming).
Everything we say or do is now measured up against how it will impact the relationship. We change our self-definition to include our partner. The minute we think something might be going somewhere, the mindset shifts and suddenly we’re in “The We Zone”.
If you’ve ever found yourself behaving like a crazy person around your relationships
rather than the strong, independent woman you know yourself to be,
it’s because you’ve entered “The We Zone”.
Symptoms of “The We Zone”
• Reduced sense of self (because it is overshadowed by the other)
• A fear of loss (because you believe that this is the ONLY person who can complete you or the ONLY person who will ever love you in this way and no other relationship will ever measure up to this one)
• Neediness (because you have given your power to the other person or the relationship, rather than holding it yourself)
• Panic and jealousy when your partner talks to other women (because maybe you’re not good enough and he might leave you for someone better)
• Failing to speak your truth for fear of losing the relationship
The severity of the symptoms vary from person to person, but unless you’ve done a lot of work on yourself around relationships, it’s likely that you have some form of this women’s dis-empowerment virus – we are culturally programmed for it.
Do you want to know EXACTLY what is creating this situation around relationships for yourself again and again? If so, I would like to invite you to join me at my private education group where you can get free information on why this happens to you and what other things are happening in your life at the same time. https://kellespartaenterprises.vipmembervault.com/ . If you need a quick answer and you know you want to do something to change it, then I invite you to join me for a free Discovery Call to talk about your options for how I can help you get quick results.