Sometimes I feel like I can’t breathe for the winds of change blowing in my face.
Some days I find I am breathless and oxygen deprived and living with the undertone of panic quietly nipping at my heels.
And there is no reason for this, except that the energy of the world is running faster.
My life is fine. I am fine. There is nothing wrong. Except those things that are, but then, some things are always wrong, so what’s changed?
I’ve forgotten to breathe. I’ve stepped away from those things that feed me and stepped into avoidance habits. I have chosen watching TV and turning off my brain over sitting quietly and listening to nature. Because somehow I thought that nature would be running as fast as my life.
But it isn’t. It’s quiet and still and patient as ever.
And so, last night, I sat on my front porch in the dark with my sweetheart. And we cried. We cried for people who had passed that we were missing. We cried for those in crisis in our lives and for ourselves. We cried at the overwhelm that has been running our lives and for the last few years of pain that we have had to endure to get here. We emptied ourselves out into the darkness and she held us as we held each other.
And in those tears I reached out to my ancestors to ask for support. I surrendered my resistance to the huge changes that have been thrust into my life and I relaxed back into my faith in the universe.
And this morning I awoke feeling quieter – more peaceful. I was still tired. Letting go of that much “holding on” is exhausting. But ultimately, I’ll feel better and my energy will return with a vengeance. Maybe later today, maybe tomorrow, but I know it’s coming. I’ve done this before.
So here is my question to you. How much are you resisting in your life? How much of your energy is it taking you to stave off the panic, the fear, the shame, the dissatisfaction? When are you going to let go of those things that hold you back and keep you in that panicked state?
I invite you to do what I did. Go outside tonight. Listen to the darkness and let her speak to you of those things you are pushing away. Let her whisper in your ear those things that you have been silencing. Let the feelings surface and wash over you. And when they have subsided, see what the landscape looks like. You’ll know what to do from there.
And if you find that your spirit is crying out for change, I invite you to join us in our Unleash Yourself! program starting in July. We’d love to share your journey with you.