I have been having many conversations recently on the nature of love and relationships. I think that this will be a long conversation to be had with you, my lovely readers – perhaps even what we will begin to video blog on when Carolyn returns from her trip to CA. But today, I wanted to begin the conversation with a thought.
Thirsting for Love
So many of us are thirsting for love – literally dying slowly each day for lack of it. And yet, the more desperate we are for it, the less likely we are to get it. Why is that? The reason is that we are blind. We think that love needs to come in a specific form and from specific people, but this is an illusion. Love is everywhere we look. The person who smiles at you on the street is offering you a gift of love. The person who holds the door for you as you enter or exit a building is offering you a gift of love. Anyone who offers to help you in any way is offering you love. Sometimes, people are offering you love just by looking at you, or thinking about you, or writing a comment to something you posted on the internet. It is all love.
Connection Is Your Birthright
The reason we don’t see this is that we are blind to it. We refuse to see it because we are conditioned not to. We are told that we are not deserving. We are told that we are alone in the world and that everyone is out for themselves, but this is not true. The true nature of people is to love and to connect. We are a community whether we believe it or not. And we are there to help one another. Offering small gifts of love is one part of the pact we make when we come into form. It fosters that sense of belonging and connection that we have given up in spirit to come into the physical world. Without it, we are lost and lonely and feeling abandoned.
But even if we do manage to see the love that is offered by those around us, we are often bad at receiving that love. We say – oh, that’s just that person – it doesn’t count. Or, well it’s not really about me, so I won’t take it in. We deny ourselves the gift of the love by refusing to receive it. We literally take that beautiful package that has been wrapped with great attention and appreciation and throw it into the garbage without ever opening it to see the beauty inside.
And so we continue to go thirsty – longing for that which we feel we cannot have – wishing for the partner who will take away this pain and quench our thirst forever. But that is too much pressure to put on a single person. It is more than they will ever be able to give us – because it was never meant to be that way. It takes village to love you. It takes every person every day to fill you and one person will never be able to be the fire hose of love that you need in the long run.
And when I say that it takes every person every day to fill you, this includes you. You must learn to become love if you hope to ever be truly full on a long-term basis. It is your willingness to love those around you – not give to them, not take care of them, not have sex with them, just to love them – no matter who they are – that ultimately becomes your inner fire hose that keeps you full to overflowing.
I know this is a mind shift from what you have been taught. I know that it is alien to your conditioning, but start small. Notice all the ways in which people care for you each day. Really receive the love and affection that is being offered to you in tiny ways all day. The bus driver who waits an extra moment so that you can catch the bus. The checkout girl who shares a smile with you as you fumble through your bag trying to find your wallet. The person who lets you out in traffic. The person who cleaned the coffee pot last night at the office so that you could start fresh today. Small things that add up to a pretty big pot of love just waiting for you to bathe in it.
And when you begin to take in these gifts, you’ll find that you are filling up with the love that is all around you. When you take in enough, you can begin to love yourself as well. You’ll learn to take as good care of yourself as you do others. And when you learn this, you’ll fill even more until you are overflowing with love for the world around you and you become one with the love that surrounds you. It is a beautiful thing.