I’ve been thinking a lot recently about how to integrate the divine feminine into our very masculine world. As a result, I’ve been putting a bunch of things that I’ve known for years into a new context. One of those ideas is the one of how we choose to be in the world. Here is the progression.
Most of us start off in the masculine control arena. We want to control how things go and force the universe to bend to our will. We want to be able to control each aspect of the work that we do, the way others behave/react, and the results that are achieved.
Eventually, we try to control so completely that we have some form of catastrophic meltdown that occurs. This forces us into the feminine end of the spectrum – surrender. We let go and find that things work out so much better than expected that we are tempted to just stop trying to DO anything and instead we wait for the universe to give us signs about where to go next.
The problem with that approach is that the universe doesn’t really have plans for us. It has its own flow and we can get caught up in that for a while, but eventually, if we hope to arrive somewhere that we want to be, we need to decide on what we want. The challenge at this point becomes being able to step back into a self-directed life without stepping back into controlling. This is a major challenge. Even more of one than we realize because it has an undercurrent of victimization that we often don’t see and therefore fail to address.
The Victim in Controlling Behavior and Unconscious Surrender
Think about it for a minute. If you are trying to control the outcome of something, it’s because you are certain that any other outcome would be detrimental to you – i.e. it would victimize you to get anything other than exactly what you planned. The other side of the coin is to surrender to everything and become a victim of the currents of life that buffet you around. Where is the middle ground?
Defining The Victim
It’s actually not on the same spectrum at all. You see in order to find the balance between a self-directed life and being in the flow, you have to get out of the victim mentality. But most people have no idea how to accomplish this task. The problem is that victimhood is insidious. It invades and pervades many aspects of life without your event realizing it. Ultimately though, victim has two primary pieces that have to be unhooked before real progress can be made.
Victim – The Masculine Form
The masculine form of the victim is in the controlling and the seeking power over. As in all things masculine, to transcend this issue, you have to let go of it. You must release the desire for power and abandon all hope of being in control.
Victim – The Feminine Form
The other side of the coin is the feminine. As with all things feminine, the key to salvation is to accept. Accept that sometimes things don’t go your way. Accept that pain and sorrow are a part of a full and healthy life. Accept that bad things sometimes happen to good people for no reason at all.
When you can step into both of these places simultaneously, then you have the chance of stepping out of victim enough to make a real difference in your life.